🔗 Share this article

The current year marks a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {